This machine isn't you
This machine isn't you
it isn't alive
without you, there's nothing left on this machine
this machine I relied on to keep me connected
to people who aren't nearby
but it was all some kind of electronic illusion
close in spirit, far away in reality
we've been apart the whole time
left enclosed in our own minds, just reaching out
or trying to
I've been typing here in my own rooms the entire time
reading words and dreaming lovely dreams
and throwing my world out into the wind
or on the wires
on my own
no one forced me to bleed all over the keys!
but somehow I wanted to
on my own, I wished for you
and waited and hoped for more past the time I should have
and now I'm left with an unsettled feeling
as I try to disconnect
because there's no reason for me to be on this machine now
the machine isn't you
and I don't know what to do with myself during these times
I used to write and dream lovely dreams for you
I can't help but be myself all the way to the end
the last day
my last breath!
I can't become numb until then
that last day, when my last drop of blood drips and dries
and my last bit of spirit floats out of
this shell that is my body
I don't know what I'll do then!
but I have to be myself
all the way until that final night or day
I feel like I could explode with frustration today
and then tomorrow morning, like melted metal
I'd be whole again, anxious and needing to do it all over
I don't see how I could ever tell you
buried too far down there to ever say
never to make it to the surface
and, what purpose would it serve anyway?
I guess I'm just going to have to walk around like this!
until the bits and pieces get worn off or fall out of the small holes
one chipped bit at a time
but, I'll be far away
and maybe these confused thoughts will just rattle around
in the barrel like pebbles in a polishing tumbler?
I don't know why it's been so impossible to pull them out!
like how what I wanted most I couldn't have!
and what I needed most I couldn't ask for!
I can say it's my hormones acting up
(which is true)
but, I know it's the inability to throw all my pieces into the wind
like a volcano or fire pit with a grenade
Balls of Light Overlap
Some nights it's just so apparent
there's no way I could stop loving you!
Give us a hundred more years...
I don't get tired of you
the love gets more complete as time goes by
we grow, but instead of getting farther apart
our circles seem to overlap more
(gold, yellow and red)
and so completely apparent sometimes
there's no way I could ever say
"Goodbye" to you
Anne Marie Scotto is a writer living in Florida.