I’m an orphan.  I'm putting myself up for adoption.  Neuroses aside, I'm pretty easy-going.  I sleep through the night most of the time.  I don’t wet the bed much.  I don’t throw too many tantrums.  I can feed myself.  I tie my own shoes.  I’m a safe bet.  A chance like this doesn't come around often.  So please.  Give me a chance.  I’m looking for some of that parental unconditional love.  I’m looking for someone to tell me I’m wonderful.  I don’t care if you’re geographically undesirable.  I’ll shlep to you.  Think about it.  What have you got to lose? 

Carol Starr Schneider is a  writer in Sherman Oaks.  She writes a daily humor blog called Short Jewish Gal (

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